My latest Midlife Single Mommy Confession about being judged as a single person…
If there is one thing that I cannot stand, is being judged. We all do it from time to time but I have been trying to acknowledge when I am judging so that I stop. It is never fair to place judgment on someone until you know their story.
I ran into someone I dated at least 10 years ago. After all of the small talk, he said, “It looks like things are going very well with your business and being a mom…it also looks like you are still going out a lot.” When I hear things like this, I start to give it thought. What did he mean by that? Why does he think it is a lot? Is that a problem? Honestly, I shouldn’t care but then I start to wonder if that is part of the reason I am still single. Do people think I am a party girl? I’ve heard that once actually. I am friends with this guy on Facebook and he see’s my pictures so I guess he is just curious or placing judgment. I am torn on this philosophy…
In my opinion, I do not go out a lot. I have my son 2-3 weeknights and every other weekend. When I go out, it is on the weekends I do not have my son and I am usually with a group of friends and the photos and tagging start. I’ve been hiding a lot of them from my timeline because I don’t want to give the impression that I am out drinking all of the time. I am single. It’s what single people do…well some. I enjoy socializing and seeing live music. I am not going to stop because I am being judged by the photos that get posted on Facebook. I should mention that they are mostly normal posing and smiling pictures.
However, I will say this. You can learn a lot about people on Facebook by looking at their photos so I guess it is easy to judge. I may see a young girl with tons of selfies, boobs hanging out, sexy posing, and other crazy pictures and I am going to think she likes attention or is a bit wild. I can also see a single guy that has lots of attractive female friends and wonder why he is single. Or, I could see the mom friend who has children and a husband and primarily has photos of the family and think that she is living the dream. That is all judging so I am just as guilty.
Then I started thinking even more. Since I am now 44, when I meet a guy my age who has no children and has never been married, I have to admit that the thought of “ok, so what’s wrong with this guy” comes to mind. However, I’ve been divorced for a very long time now and never remarried. I have a child and split with his dad while I was pregnant and I haven’t had a significant relationship since my son was born. It would be very easy for people to ask the same of me.
My advice to myself and to everyone else, sometimes your judgments may be right but ALWAYS remember that everyone has a story. As long as you love and respect yourself who gives a shit what others think right?
This post was originally posted on www.midlifesinglemommy.com
Photo credit – Copyright: sifotography / 123RF Stock Photo
I am an older single mom, business owner, and blogger. I enjoy connecting with like-minded people and hope to establish some great relationships with other older single moms with young children. Being a parent is a blessing no matter what age you are but being an older single mom, with a younger child, comes with its own unique challenges! Let’s embrace them together.